The meaning of Publix

HI.  Sorry I haven’t posted much recently.  I’ve been a bit occupied.  Work has been slow so I’ve been busy in the process of finding new projects or a new job, which as many know is a full time gig in and of itself.   That said, this past week-end marked a year since I came back tot he states. I actually thought about it on Saturday, the moment that we were flying over Miami (which is so close to the United States btw lol)… I laughed because I had been emotionally ok with leaving Colombia and the new unknown journey I was about to embark, but it was the overhead view of that giant PUBLIX sign that brought tears into my eyes.   Pretty ridiculous that a grocery store would make me emotional, but it was not so much about Publix as it was about what that sign meant.

After having moved my entire life to a different continent I didn’t think I would be coming back.  I think the old me would have considered my time abroad a failure, and perhaps some people see it that way.  Fortunately it is BECAUSE I don’t see it that way, that I considered it a success.  So flying back and looking down at that green sign was the period at the end of a very long, very tough, in some way traumatic sentence – paragraph – chapter which I had somehow survived.   So my tears were more of joy, because in a way I felt I was one step closer to being where I belonged.

This is when it all began, when I realized that funny things happen on the way to happiness.  I’d traveled more than 5,000 miles at this point and realized that often we have to go through the weeds and the bushes, the mud… dive off cliffs and climb mountains, in order to get a new perspective.  And seeing that sign gave me hope that I could take what I had experienced and that new perspective and make my life different.  So I started this blog, and jot down my thoughts and shared my perspective which prior to a year ago I would probably never have done.

It has been a year – where am I now you might ask.  Well another 3,200+ miles later I’m where I think I need to be at the moment.  Fulfilling my purpose, living my life and understanding that the way to happiness is a long and winding road.  Realizing that while not every day is a perfect one, and there are continuous struggles…. I can in fact find joy within each of those days; There are moments in time, each and every day, that make me smile.

A year later I find myself with similar trials but with the ability to step outside myself and see things from a different perspective.  I’m smarter, kinder, more humble and appreciative. Perhaps more eager and less tentative than a year ago. Ironically more trusting and definitely realized that I’m more in control by not trying to control everything. A year later I’m still finding all the funny things that happen on the way to happiness, and moving forward on my journey.

A year later I still have my family and revel in the company of my best friend, my partner in crime, who for almost 13 years has been with me through the best and worst of times. And a year later I have the opportunity to share my life with my dear friends and extended family in the place I call home.

So I think as with most of us, as human beings we are hopeful. For the majority of us, we strive to do better, be better and grow.  For me this is important.  A year later I’m very glad I had the opportunity to live and learn through my experiences.  A year later I can say with certainty I am better than before, and that for me is great.

Yesterday my close friend said that even though she’s been here for about 4 years, sometimes she still can’t believe that she lives here in California….. I think a year ago I would have said – I still can’t believe I live. But a year later I’m here and grateful, hopeful, and excited about all the funny things that happen on the way to happiness.

- D.

P.S. don’t forget to kiss your dog!

Brady + Families + A good kiki = Happiness

A funny thing happened on the way to happiness…..I read a note in a game I myself created which simply asked “One thing that makes you happy”.  I’d originally written that one assuming someone else would get it and I’d get the benefit of hearing what makes someone else happy.  Never did it even occur to me I’d end up having to answer that question, but when I read it out loud I didn’t even get a chance to answer – the group answered for me, “BRADY”.

Yes, in fact Brady is one thing that makes me happy but he too is temporary so what happens when he’s gone?  Does that mean I’ll lose my source of happiness?   Well over he last few days that ‘accidental coincidence’ has been running around my head and I came to a conclusion/discovery.

Let me provide some background, throughout my life and as a result of 2 or 3 significant events in my youth I’ve always been extremely guarded when it comes to emotions.  Even when I think I’ve opened up with someone, I don’t know that I can say I truly have….with one exception, Brady.   Perhaps because I trust that his love is in fact unconditional I am totally unguarded with him.  So I think it is the ability to be 100% unguarded, unafraid, and “safe” that are the reasons why he is one of the thing that makes me happy.  

So it isn’t just that he’s the cutest thing on earth (biased), but what he represents.  The essence of truth and vulnerability and lack of fear allows me to be happy.   There’s probably other things I’m close to finding that passion with and perhaps those also make me happy, but it seems my friends all know he’s the biggest source of my happiness.

Oh yeah, it was my birthday this past weekend. It was my dear friend’s birthday a few weeks ago so we decided to do a joint celebration and went away with friends on a “camping” trip.   My aunt and cousin came up and joined on our ‘Birthday Kiki’.  It was truly a wonderfully fun experience.  It had been several years since I’d been here with my peeps and been able to go up to the ranch so the culmination of friends, family, dogs, and the ranch were truly spectacular but way too short.

I think there’s a certain magic to happiness – something that I’ve yet to be able to decipher – but it exists at the ranch, or at least when I’m there with my extended family. So the weekend was MARVELOUS…. and I am truly lucky to have such fantastic people contributing to the richness of my life.

Anyway, just wanted to jot down a small thought because as usual, lots of funny things happen on the way to happiness!
Don’t forget to kiss your dog!

At least 20 times a day….

A funny thing happened on my way to happiness today…. out of the blue and with no warning I got reminders of why it is I started this blog.  Purpose and Authenticity.  As my road to happiness forges on, and the days go by, it dawned on me that I had gone off my track just a wee bit which is ok.   These little reminders today of purpose an authenticity put my GPS back on the right track I think.

While the last year or so has been all about picking up and moving forward I’d forgotten those little things along the way, the things I’d noticed which lately I’ve simply not paid attention to.  The little moments – fragments of time that will never again happen, that I so appreciated it and grounded me.

So today, with just about half the day behind me I thought I’d challenge you, and me, to make a note of the all things – big and small – that made you smile, feel good or joyful.   While most of my day has been spent working I decided to see if I could conjure up at least 10, knowing full well that regardless of how crappy a day may seem, there are always at least 20 little things that were great if we stop to pay attention.

I’m gonna give it a shot and see:

• Woke up to the sound of Brady snoring practically in my ear

• Felt sore but good after my grueling run yesterday

• My hair is growing out, recovering from a case of “bad haircuts happen to good people”

• Was told I was cute

• Late season tomatoes just seem to pop out of nowhere

• Got a great message, out of the blue, complimenting my work from one of my clients

• Remembered the time my friend Ryan fell asleep on a uber designer sofa on Lincoln Road

• Great weather today

• Still had some fresh tamarind leftover to enjoy

• Confirmed all systems are go for the Birthday Kiki extravaganza

So that’s just the first part of the day and I’m sure more will come up later.

Why aren’t we doing something like this every day?  Yes the world is in crisis, the economy sucks, I’d love a full-time job that pays 6 figures and the world is on the brink of chaos – some might say an Obamination….. but I know that for each of us there’s so many things that may happen on a given day that we simply overlook.

A string of green traffic lights on the way to work, the last fresh bagel at the coffee shoppe. Your kids first word, first steps, first crush, first ‘A’ at school.  A heated pool, a great bottle of wine, a phone call with a dear old friend, a card from your mum, dad or sibling.  Hopping on the scale and seeing another pound shed.  A good hair day, a great umbrella (if you’re in SoFlo today).

There’s a bounty of things that come across our paths each and every day, things we take for granted, things that make us happy only if we take the time to notice them, appreciate them and live in that moment.  We will never again be as young as we are today and today will never happen again.

I know stuff happens, things sometimes suck and there are events in life that cannot be changed – not always good ones.  But what we do have control over is our perspective, and even in the darkest hour, seeing that bird singing outside YOUR window is something that only you have the ability to appreciate and something unique to you and to today.

I certainly try my best to not get to goopy on here, but these things burst into my head today and I knew I needed to put them down on here.  I’d love to know what 20 things came your way today?

Hope you have a great one… as always, please pass this along and share if you think someone might get something out of it.  Your comments and feedback is welcome!
OH and don’t forget to kiss your dog!

- Dickson

Everything new is old again

A funny thing happened on my way to happiness… actually a lot of funny things, and some not so funny, have happened in the last few weeks.

This quest for happiness definitely keeps me on my toes, keeps me guessing, and often times leaves me just a tiny bit frustrated. I’ve seen it in others and I can definitely give good advice but I see it now in me and I can’t seem to shake it; repeating old patterns.   I know it happens to the best of us, but when I’m on this journey, facing old patterns and somehow falling into them… this is not what the doctor ordered.

I’m noticing there is a difference between experiencing moments of happiness and actually being happy.  There’s an instant gratification type of happiness which I think I’d tend to associate more with joy, definitely short-term.  Then there’s the state of being happy which does not exclude momentary intervention of anger, disappointment and sadness.  I’m getting a sense that I can BE happy but still experience these other emotions, hard to explain but I guess one can be in a state of happiness and then have all these other things bounce in and out.  This, I think, takes a  lot of work and at the end of the day comes back down to perspective.

The last few months have been an interesting process for me. By nature I tend to analyze situations a great deal, through the process of time, I’ve become very cognizant that everything is temporary and nothing, absolutely nothing lasts forever, so I’ve adopted this carpe diem type of philosophy.  I guess because tomorrow is an uncertainty, I choose to make the best of today.  Sure, that sounds lovely, except when not everyone is on the same page…. it can lead to those moments of disappointment.

The last few weeks I’ve found myself in old patterns…. to some extent repeating old behaviours, in other ways, gravitating to things that are familiar but that I am almost certain will only yield similar results as before.  And while it is never good or advisable to compare old situations to new ones, there are things that at this point in life I know are definite issues, and when these “NEW” things do nothing but reinforce the past experience then that just sort of really brings out the red flags cause it tells me though this seems new it is just like the old.  Problem is I’m allowing myself to flow into these things, or so I had been, but then I think I snapped out of it.

It is really easy and comfy to fall back into old patterns, to seek out things that are familiar – even when they’re bad for you.  Sure the packaging may be a little different and it may say NEW AND IMPROVED. WON’T CAUSE HEARTACHE, but the reality is I’ve seen this movie before and I know how it ends…. and all it took were the words NOT spoken for me to remember my journey and all the work I’ve done on my way to happiness.

Letting go of familiar but toxic patterns is not easy… but this time around I feel ok in letting go because the last year has been about building this yummylicious cushion of happiness.  Sure there’s sadness, and disappointment, but these are temporary.  All I need is to shift my perspective.  I love that word… it’s been the best discovery on this journey.

I keep on keeping on…. reminding myself that each and every day is an opportunity to learn something new, in some cases that may be letting go of something old.  Not every day is a piece of cake, but if they were I wouldn’t be writing.

Today also marks a very significant day of remembrance for most of us…. I know I was getting ready to go to the airport when I turned on the news only to see a 2nd plane hit the World Trade Center.  I can remember that like it was yesterday.  Yet 11 years later it seems so many of us learned nothing from this tragedy.  Everything is temporary, which is why I really would encourage you to remember: each and every day, regardless of whether it is your dog, your family your friends, your lover or even a potential love interest…. treat everyone the way YOU’D like to be treated. Be as kind and compassionate as you can be. Courteous in your manner, gracious in your actions and generous with your heart. Don’t wait until tomorrow because that’s never a guarantee, we have now… we have today.

Have a great day everyone and thank you for reading.  If you’re just catching this for your first time I’d encourage you to check out the blog from the beginning.  As always if you feel someone might enjoy this please pass it along and don’t forget to kiss your dog!

-Dickson

The Expecation of Happiness

A funny thing happened on the way to happiness, I created an expectation of what that would be.   Some may argue that visualization is key to manifesting realities, but I’d venture to say that when it comes to happiness, visualizing how or what that should be like is a recipe for disaster.

In the few months since I last posted, I made the conscious decision to put myself back out there in the romance department.  Having heard countless times that expecting someone to just parachute out of the sky was highly improbable, I decided that I would take the plunge and put myself once again in a state of vulnerability.  This is not my comfort zone. Control of ME and things that influence ME is a huge thing, it allows me the ability to monitor and manage expectations, results, variables, etc.   The concept of putting myself out there, contradicts all of these things since I now have to rely on the actions of someone else and how those impact me.

The logical part of me says “Well  no one’s actions or words can impact you unless you allow it” but the reality is that once you decide to engage in meeting or dating people you kind of have to let that logic go…. you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable because it is the only way to permit a genuine connection.

So where am I going with all of this…. While I’m not one to believe that happiness necessarily has to involve being in a relationship, I do believe that a relationship can contribute to overall happiness.  In my mind and at this stage of my life, I have a set of attributes/qualities that are important to me. Unfortunately I have a very low tolerance for miss-steps in behaviour when it comes to these attributes and qualities.  Basically this simply creates a recipe for disaster and severe disappointments…  Expectations can be our greatest adversary when it comes to happiness.

By now you’d think I would remember that happiness has its own mind, and doesn’t always appear in the form we think it should or will.  But creating an expectation leads to heartache when we tie happiness with love.  The good news is that through past experiences I think I rebound emotionally a bit better than I ever did…. the bad news is I lost sight of reality and got caught up in expectations, and unless they are expectations of myself, I have no control over the outcome.

Happiness, one minute you seem so close and yet so far away, the next I realize I need to just look at things from a different perspective and realize that visualization is bologna, and disappointments only happen when we place expectation is things/situations/people over which we have no control.  So despite feeling like the universe has decided to take a severe dump on my head, I need to understand that, well, shit happens.   Time to clean up and move on…. Knowing me and my life there’s still a great deal of funny things that will happen on my way to happiness.

 

Day number 364

364 Eve

As I watch the sunset over the San Francisco bay and both the Bay and Golden Gate bridges, the twinkle of city lights, and the red sky as back drop to the evergreens around me I take a deep breath….knowing that tomorrow marks a year to date of the cliché “first year of the rest of my life”.

The road to happiness is never easy, never simple, and never obvious.   Tonight I have vivid recollection of the events that took place a year ago that changed my life… I can feel remember every emotion of that night as if I’d lived it just moments ago;  The anger, the fear, the pain. I can have it play out, like a movie, in my mind.  I would say it is surreal, but that would be a lie, it is all too real….  364 days later I can look back and know that it didn’t kill me, and I don’t know that it made me stronger, but that experience made me better.

I  take comfort in the knowledge I have gained in 364 days.  That the experiences in this journey have made me better, and nobler and in effect wiser.  I think about all that has changed in 364 days and am in awe, because on day one I didn’t think I would make it to day two, I was sure I wouldn’t make it through to day 3, but here I am.  I know my journey is not unique… certainly not glamorous or riveting, but it has been mine and each of the last 364 days has led me to today.

In the last 364 days I’ve been to or through almost a dozen cities, met over 50 new people, re-acquainted myself  with countless old friends, shared over 150 days with family, seen things from numerous new perspectives, sent over a thousand tweets, earned a degree, changed people’s lives and even looked back on the time before at least 300 times…. so as countless stars fill the sky on the eve of my one year anniversary I am filled with the sense of calm, for I am finally home.

A great many things have happened on the way to happiness…today I celebrate them all.

P.S. Kiss your dog!

Nature or Nurture?

An age-old question really… but have we thought about it in the context of happiness?  A funny thing happened on my way to happiness, I’ve started to embrace the idea that happiness, or at least mine, could be influenced by nature AND nurture.  Are you lost yet?  Cause I just got started….

So what do I mean by nature and nurture, I’m taking the words more literal then figurative and will explain that for me, happiness is a state of being, and just like everything else, it is temporary.  It can come and go, be higher in intensity or at times diminished. In this sense I see it as a natural condition, and as such, part of a natural process. So happiness is natural, I think it is something that simply exists.  Again I go back to the idea that often we are so blinded by our own egos that we forget to just take  quick look at how happiness is all around.  We take ourselves out of the game and fail to participate in the joy of happiness.

But where does nurture come in… ahhh this one is a bit tricky, I’d venture to say that everything around us can NURTURE or provide us happiness if we open our minds up to the possibility.  Our family, friends, dog(s), just our environment can be something that inspires happiness and therefore nurture it.

Yeah I know, I go back out west for 10 days and I’m already talking like a “hippie”… I knew you were thinking it,  but that truly is how I’ve been feeling the last few weeks.  It has been a whirlwind of adjustment for me, and in many ways my life has changed.  I’m challenged by the likes of new responsibilities, new uncertainties, and greater expectations, but those are all things I’ve chosen… all things that nurture my happiness.

An acquaintance of mine, Lucas Case (you must check out his blog), posted something the other day about the things that Happy People do differently,  (I’ll link it at the end), anyway the fascinating thing to me was how many of these behaviours I’ve actually adopted along this journey.  I guess in reading the list, it provided some weird form of validation and a sense that maybe this journey has truly been fruitful. Some really resonated with me and there are one or two I’m in the process of working on, but when I examined the piece as a whole it took me back to one word, one concept I’ve mentioned many times… perspective.

A funny thing happened on my way to happiness… I’ve come to believe that nature provides happiness, the people we chose to have around us, the environment we provide for ourselves, and the way we chose to look at the world, can nurture it.

Here’s the link to the article… I’ve you’ve been reading my blog you’ll notice recurring themes:

http://www.purposefairy.com/4899/15-powerful-things-happy-people-do-differently/

P.S. Feel free to share this page with your friends via Twitter or Facebook and don’t forget to kiss your dog.

Living your truth with the Easter bunny

There’s been a link flying around the interweb (I like saying it that way) that I’ve held off from sharing via Facebook simply because I think it is part of a grater context and part of something I’ve been hearing and experiencing when it comes to happiness.

A lot of funny things happen on my way to happiness, every day it seems like there are new and different ways for each of us to reach true happiness in our lives, and these past few weeks all signs pointed to living your truth and then this article came long. (I’ll link it at the end of the post).

So what do I mean by living your truth… well seems like a great deal of people I know are going through some rough times; I guess I’ve had my share in the last few weeks since my last post, but I’ve also realized that often, we go through these rough patches as a result of our own decisions. That’s not to say we DESERVE to have ‘bad things’ happen to us, it just means that everything we do has a consequence which depending on our perspective (see my previous post on perspective) we can see it as goo or bad… but it simply is just a lesson.  So living our truth first is recognizing this and being able to accept it.  Having the fortitude to say “OK I made this decision and this is the outcome”… and then being open to the idea that it may not be so good but learning from it.

But living your truth goes beyond that… it’s about being ok with who you are.  Accepting that your flaws, insecurities, imperfections and that fact that perhaps it is all these things that make us special.  For me, and many like me, part of accepting the truth is living openly and accepting the fact that not everyone will be ok with that.  Living my truth is being comfortable enough with every aspect of myself to the point where the opinions of others does not impact my self-image, my self-esteem or my self-worth.  It is this living with my truth that has helped me in my journey and has become the foundation for all the things. This has also helped me be more accepting of people and things around me and shaped, or better yet, liberated my perspective.

I’d wanted to write something about Easter for one of my client blogs, what it means the whole religious aspect of resurrection and how that can be applied to our lives. The notion that there was a man who preached truth and love and forgiveness died to absolve the sins of those who judged and hated in the name of their own God.  Truth is all religions speak of love…. no true religion speaks of hate.  All religions speak of truth, none condone lies.  These apply not just to how we as individuals treat others but also, and most importantly who we apply truth and love to ourselves.  So it is where this blog post will come in.  The title will offend many and the original blog post that led to this will strike a chord.

In living my truth I have been very blessed to have friends and family (some, not all) that accept me for how I am.  That see me as a complete person and not just a gay.  I count on a great support system and a network of friends and colleagues who see, accept and value my truth.   So this Easter I’d ask that you take the time to examine the truth of who you are.  The truth of how you see others. And the Truth of the person you’d like to be. For those that are religious, you can see this as a time for individual resurrection, and the opportunity to live your truth.

Living your truth….. one of the funny things that happens on the way to happiness

This is the link for the original blog post http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html

and this is the link to the amazing response in generated which has been doing the rounds on the interwebs http://www.danoah.com/2012/04/a-teens-brave-response-to-im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html

P.S. Don’t forget to kiss your dog!

Old Road, New sight

Not a map, compass, GPS, co-pilot or a fancy car that parks itself are as good of a tool to have as perspective and adaptability are  when you’re on a personal journey – in this case on the way to happiness.

I’ve spent the better part of my life taking chances, and for the first time in my life I’m actually kind of scared to take one.  Not so much because of risk but because of failure.   This thought has plagued my mind for the better part of 4 days, and while it hasn’t exactly ruled my universe or kept me from deciding to take a chance, I have had to break out perspective to calm the nerves.

A funny thing happened on the way to happiness, the most recent one being that without proper perspective, one can drown in an inch of water – I think I’m choosing instead to skip through the puddle.  I’ve decided failure is actually not part of my new lexicon, in fact it doesn’t even exist, in great part to perspective.

We often judge ourselves and our accomplishments as successes, when we set goals or standards for ourselves and don’t quite meet them, we often classify these as failures; nothing, could be further from the truth.  When viewed from a different perspective, the only failure in not obtaining the desired result is not learning anything about the process.  When we simply view the outcome, and not place any stock in the effort, dedication, focus, drive and energy placed into this goal, we do ourselves a great dis-service.

For me, I need to remember that I am starting over, need to recall my purpose and simply be aware that the process is what will be of great value.  I already know what the result COULD be, but I have no clue what I’ll learn or experience along the way.   For me this means a second opportunity to experience and appreciate the things I overlooked.  It’s not a picking up where I left off , it is a fresh start; With all the anxiety of the first day of school, the fear of the first time on a gigantial rollercoaster, the excitement of that anticipated first kiss with that someone you can’t get out of your mind……

It is a very interesting time for me…. I feel like everything is a blank canvas and there is nothing but options before me – a bit daunting, somewhat overwhelming to be quite honest, but I’ve never shied away from taking chances, it’s what led me on this journey.  More importantly, I feel like I’m not alone.  In the past 3 weeks I’ve had the chance to see, feel and experience what perhaps I overlooked before and I’m excited for the possibilities of what may be.

Without set expectation or agenda my goal is simple – live with reckless abandon and be open to all the amazing things that are before me, that will be coming my way and that I create.  Most of all, welcome all the funny things that happen on my way to happiness

P.S. Kiss your dog!

The family we choose

A funny thing happened on the way to happiness…..I realized it may be exactly where I left it.

Busy, busy, busy a I have been, I was not exactly prepared for the emotion of my homecoming.  I’m a true believer that home is where the heart is and the other day I made the comment that there are two types of family – the one you are born into, which loves you in spite of who you are, and the family you create which loves you because of who you are.   I love them both…. but home is where my heart is, where I am loved and accepted because of who I am so coming back to SF/Oaktown was important for my journey.

When we left the bay area two years ago, I was in a far different place.  I felt lost – no, I was lost.  I was completely void of a sense of self, unhappy with who I was, my life, and seemingly drowning in a chasm of doubt and anger.   A lot of things contributed to that, namely the economy, and while my departure for a new continent may be seen as a rash decision, looking at it now it was the best thing that could have happened.  Having left what I consider my home and had the experiences I had completely provided a new perspective of the self… I wouldn’t have that perspective had I stayed.

  There is always a trade off – a lot has changed in 2 years for many of my ‘family’ in the bay area. For some their lives have changed drastically, they experienced life altering events and some are still in the process of this change.

 

It has been a homecoming for Brady as well…. he is reunited with the love of his life, his BFF, the ying to his yang the bacon to his cheeseburger.  In trying to see the world through his eyes I kind of realize how much being back ‘home’ means to this process of finding happiness.

It has been two years, though despite all that’s changed, it is as if no time has passed at all. The bonds I have with my small group of friends is probably one of the most incredible things in my life.  While I have always appreciated it, I never realized what an intricate piece of the puzzle Brady and I were.  It never truly clicked what we all have here is special….seems like we’re amazing unique individuals, but somehow feels like magic when we’re all together. 

I’m skewing toward the thought that Happiness, in great part, comes from within… and for me happiness requires a special formula of self, friends and place.

It has been a very long journey, and in some ways it is only the beginning… I know where my happy place is, it never went away, the people that make it my happy place, for the most part are all here..

A funny thing happened on my way to happiness….. I think I realized what it looks like.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read, and share.  Don’t forget to kiss your dog!